Haibun: Exploring My Limits
As Basho—the father of haiku—walked through the mountains, he may have observed more than just nature? To start the process of understanding what is outside of us, understanding a world that doesn’t need me or you, that takes some inward exploration as well.
I recently took my nephew up a mountain and thought about this. As I age, the pulling all my extra weight grows a bit harder the longer I stay away from climbing. Keeping up with my teenage nephew felt impossible. In fact, it is impossible. His ability to bound up the rocks, almost dance as a 14 year old boy can, as I carry enough water for the both of us forced me to have him slow down. My lungs wanted to expand past my chest as all things want to expand and pop in the desert sun.
When I arrived at the top of Picacho Peak, I could see for miles. We looked down on two hawks soaring. Both the exhaustion and the thrill of climbing it all was unbelievable. Because I had to work the hardest I’ve ever had to just to get to the top, I felt the view so much more.
So when I look at what it took to experience the view from the top, how my work to get their gave the view so much more, I have to pause and think about my own internal struggles to keep going. As the acid in my legs started to eat away at my muscles each time I lifted my leg up to about my thigh to get a foot grip and pull myself up, I asked myself if it was worth it. My hip pulsed but I decided my nephew was worth everything I had to give. As the sun heated up the rocks, I thought about saying we went far enough and we need to turn back, but knew my limit was still a ways off. I kept pulling myself up each marker of elevation. I had to give this mountain to my nephew. My nephew, once orphaned, than adopted, now someone I hope and work towards being a king one day. And in that, I again pulled myself up another step only to have to find another foot hold to do it all over again.
The internal stories weren’t isolated from the adventure; they were the ink dripping from my mind’s pen.
last drops of twilight
holding up a fight, bye sun
summer ebbs for night
