Haibun: Roots Out

Looking at the photo of the haiku, I realized right away it was pretty ugly. The photo I had in mind when shooting it was much more beautiful than what I ended up with. But in the past, I’ve gone with an uglier photo because of the deeper truth, so I went with it today.

What made me go with it was because here in this picture or in my life, looking at roots can be ugly. I know when I started exploring shame in areas of my life, I had to look at who I really was and why I am doing the things I do. It is not beautiful to see the walls I put up to protect the 14 year old boy still inside of me. It’s not beautiful to look at how I used the morality of my upbringing as a way of protecting myself from what I feared, still fear, still rely on those moral rules from myself and judging others. It is not beautiful at all. 

But the examination is necessary. And like the cactus, roots can be exposed for a while, but they eventually need to be replanted. So when I look at the shame that has protected my world view since I was 14, I eventually have to put those roots back in so I can face my fears, know what I’m prone to do, but do it differently and grow more into a complete man. 

cactus roots exposed

soon death imposed, if left.

so winter foreclosed