Haibun: The Dragon Fly
Thoughts of anxiety, thoughts of being judged, things like that kept me from going out many times. I spent many years isolated and away from the world. Maybe its the feelings of rejection I brought into my experiences growing up, feelings given to me through shame, but it was something that defined me for most of my life.
My understanding of the world has morphed in recent years, yet I still get a lost feeling when I’m meeting new people, that disorienting feeling of what I’m supposed to do versus proving myself. Sometimes I still get excited and keep talking. That’s what I do. But the feeling of being lost is different than the feeling of needing to hide. The feeling of being lost, for me, comes from the unpredictable nature of humanity, an unpredictable nature that can lead to curiosity or repulsion.
There are those I meet who are comfortable to be around and are in complete control. I like when I meet them and leave wanting to bring that to each situation. But then I tend to let that desire go, because I don’t envy those who have complete control in social situations. My desire to be like that gives way to a dragon fly landing near me. Observing, I start to become more envious of the little dragon fly who has the bugged eyes and is curious—a simple dragon fly who leaves each encounter unaware of status and decorum and leaves whole.
two globes, but as eyes,
makes this dragon fly less shy.
summer drifts on by
My understanding of the world has morphed in recent years, yet I still get a lost feeling when I’m meeting new people, that disorienting feeling of what I’m supposed to do versus proving myself. Sometimes I still get excited and keep talking. That’s what I do. But the feeling of being lost is different than the feeling of needing to hide. The feeling of being lost, for me, comes from the unpredictable nature of humanity, an unpredictable nature that can lead to curiosity or repulsion.
There are those I meet who are comfortable to be around and are in complete control. I like when I meet them and leave wanting to bring that to each situation. But then I tend to let that desire go, because I don’t envy those who have complete control in social situations. My desire to be like that gives way to a dragon fly landing near me. Observing, I start to become more envious of the little dragon fly who has the bugged eyes and is curious—a simple dragon fly who leaves each encounter unaware of status and decorum and leaves whole.
two globes, but as eyes,
makes this dragon fly less shy.
summer drifts on by
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| &Haiku: Dragon Fly |
