Haibun: Perspective

When standing in front of a cactus, carved out by time, my perspective is challenged: Is it an old battered cactus or is it a resilient, persistent cactus? Each perspective emanates from the stories I tell myself. 

Walking out of the pho shop, bellies full from the beef bone broth and noodles, we walked back to her car to say goodbye. Looking into her big eyes by the car, I wanted to kiss her, but instead tell myself I needed to move away and not to start anything. We said goodbye, me going home feeling my stomach pulling heavy towards the floor.

Sitting at the table of a potential client, after presenting a financial plan and asking if she wants to invest with me, she said, “let’s do it.” Pulling out the folder with all the paperwork we need, we put the plan into motion. Feeling my chest expanding, I knew it was the right thing to ask her if she wanted to move forward with what I proposed. A few weeks later, holding a check of close to half a million dollars, I felt my chest expand again.

Both stories coming out of me and translating into moving forward or holding back. One, the sinking stomach feeling and the other, the expanding chest, both signals of my body, both the language of my intuition. The first, my denial, the latter my compliance. Both stories I tell myself, one to override my intuition and one to go with it.

New Years

a cactus carved by time

but still so worthy